


Understanding

by orphan_account



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Gen, Inspired by..., M/M, People, Slice of Life, deep, game, nostranger, text
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-10
Updated: 2017-06-14
Packaged: 2018-11-11 12:43:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11148675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Matthew and Gilbert's meeting was complete chance. Both had turned to a site that paired you up with a random, anonymous person - you didn't even need to share your name - after unsucessfully looking for friends in person. Matthew likes to study people, observe, and Gilbert likes to be with other people, even if they don't feel the same way about him. The perfect pair. Once they meet in real life at a simple coffee shop, Matthew knows he only wants to look at Gilbert, and he knows he only wants to be with Matthew.Inspired by the game NoStranger - I recommend it. Really interesting and it makes you think quite a bit.





	1. Chapter One

It was hard making friends with other people. Making conversation alone was already hard enough for Matthew in the first place. He decided he'd much rather watch people living their lives than talking to them about it. It wasn't creepy - it wasn't like he was into voyeurism or something. He was just curious as to what he was missing out on, the friendship he could have if he wasn't constantly passed over for his brother, Alfred. Alfred got all of the attention, the women (and occasionally men), the friends, the dates, the love. Being overlooked wasn't fun, but it was peaceful. He had time to think and watch without his phone constantly buzzing with text messages, although it was admittedly lonely.  
     Gilbert was the complete opposite. He loved being with other people, talking to them, building friendships. Yet once he was alone it wasn't peaceful. He didn't like to think because of what he thought of, he hated the silence and loneliness of not having someone with him. He adored those who texted him often, because just talking to someone could banish away that sinking feeling.  
     One thing they had common? Loneliness. Being by yourself even when you're surrounded by other people. The unbearable feeling of being forgotten. And they had both decided to do something about it.   
     Neither of them had really expected to find themselves at the point where they were - looking online for people to talk to, feeling  _that_ alone. Yet Matthew had signed up for the site only a few days after Gilbert had. It was supposedly completely anonymous. You didn't have to share your name, age, country, not even your email. You simply made up a username and password and you were in store for amazing conversations! Matthew could smell the bullshit from miles away, but he still found himself patiently waiting as the screen loaded a stranger for him to talk to.  
     Gilbert had tried to speak to a few other people, not really expecting much from it. Each day he went on he started a new chat with someone else, usually because the last had tried to pry too far or hadn't been interesting at all. Once he sent the first message to Matthew, though, he could tell it was going to be promising.

* * *

Matthew had never really imagined himself in his 20s, sitting on the couch, on his phone, talking to a complete stranger and hoping for friendship. In fact, it was something he had hoped he would never come to. Yet here he was sending a message to a complete stranger, hoping for friendship, hoping they were decent and nice. That they wanted the same thing as him and didn't want something inappropriate like a few people he'd already spoken with that same day.  
     He and the stranger ended up talking for hours before stopping even once. Every reply came quickly, in minutes or seconds, always on topic and always polite. In under an hour he felt like he knew them, and if they were lying about who they were, he certainly felt as if he knew that person like a friend. They'd shared first names and interests, what country they were from, normal things you might ask someone you didn't know on a site you'd never used before. He soon learned the person's name was Gilbert, he was from Germany, and he had a job as a cashier at a Famila store. He wasn't used to speaking English since he hadn't been required to learn it in school and his brother was helping him somewhat, along with the internet. That made Matthew chuckle a little, wondering how much he actually depended on the internet in general.   
     Feeling like he should at least introduce himself as well as Gilbert had himself, Matthew told him he also had a brother. That he worked a good job - not really wishing to share too much detail about it he decided to leave out where and that it paid well - and lived on his own. He lived in America since his father had moved when he was a kid, taking his father from France to Canada, and out of Canada with Matthew. Eventually they settled down with his new...mother (not knowing how he felt about it, he didn't say that his father was gay and had married another man, who also had a son). It would've been a mouthful to explain in person, and he was thankful he was texting him.  
     More hours speaking to each other gave them quite the idea of the other's personality. It felt reassuring the more Matthew talked to Gilbert, enough that he finally let himself believe it was a real person behind that other screen, a real, honest, German person who wasn't lying. At least, entirely.   
     Soon enough Gilbert had to leave, as it was becoming late for him, or rather, early. It was 4:50am, which made sense as for Matthew it was only 10:50pm. He hadn't told Gilbert where he lived exactly - only the country, so it made since that was the time difference between them (according to Google, at least). As he shut off his phone after saying goodbye, hope to talk again later, the usual, he laid back on the couch, wondering what he was doing.  
     Matthew could've easily gone out to make friends. A bar, a store, a goddamn  _bus stop_ if he really wanted to try. But he chose to make friends with someone he didn't even know existed on the internet, where he didn't even need to leave his couch. His younger self would've thought it was sad that he didn't even have a partner at 24. Hell, his current self thought it was sad. Though he still had some hope. Maybe he'd meet this person, or someone else. Maybe they would become friends. Or maybe it would be ruined because Gilbert was really just another creep looking for photos to jack off to in his mom's basement. You never knew.  
     He could only hope it wasn't that.


	3. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Most of this chapter will probably be in text-style since I wasn't sure how to write it otherwise. Just a conversation between Gilbert and Matthew and some thoughts, really. Gilbert's messages are on the left side, Matthew's on the right.

It had been weeks that Matthew had been speaking to Gilbert. Every day he felt as if he knew him better, as silly as it sounded to him. He wondered what Francis would think of it - in fact, he wondered that about a lot of things. Francis had always favored him a child, something he found wouldn't happen with many other people. Arthur had taken a liking to Alfred, something he found  _would_ happen with many,  _many_ other people. Even with the simplest of decisions Matthew stopped and asked himself if his papa would approve.   
     Sort of like What Would Jesus Do was to religious people, but Matthew had never really been all that religious. He'd never had a reason to, if he were honest. What Would Francis Do?   
     And for a solid thirty minutes, he thought about it. He figured his father would be happy that he had found someone to talk to, if nothing else. Matthew had always been a quiet kid, not much of a social butterfly. Francis had always wanted him to be - at least, he wished for him to be like him in a few ways, and he supposed he was. Same hair, same morals, same opinions. He'd grown to be a much tamer, quieter version of him but still a version of him nonetheless. The thought was comforting, really. At least he could relate to someone, and if he approved of Gilbert, he knew his papa would too.

* * *

 

 **(Gilbert)  
** Good morning Matthew

 **(You)**  
Good afternoon actually

Shut up  
You know we have a difference

You're funny when you're annoyed tho

Delete your account, man  
So how has your /afternoon/ been, Mr. Precise

Lovely and yours

Awesome  
Until recently I guess

What's wrong then?

I have been thinking a lot and it's just getting to me  
I don't mean to be morbid  
But I have been thinking about death mostly

Why?

I guess because  
Well my father died recently and I was wondering

Wondering?

Would you care if I died? I know we basically just met  
You probably don't know me as well as a friend would  
But I just want to know if someone outside of family would care  
Or even notice  
I didn't see many people at my father's funeral.  
Not even his work friends

I would care, I think a lot of people would  
I enjoy our conversations I guess  
I guess I'd miss them is all  
You seem like a nice guy, I'm sure your dad was too. I'm sorry for your loss though

Don't apologize  
You didn't pull the trigger after all, ha

I'm still sorry  
But don't think about doing anything.. because someone /would/ care

I am not. Just thinking is all.

I guess you don't like to think very much then, huh?  
Wow that sounded much harsher than I meant, but you know what I mean

It is fine. And yes, I don't really like it...  
That is part of the reason I joined this site  
To avoid it if I can

Well I'm glad I'm your distraction  
It's nice talking to you

Danke

Bitte?

Working on your German? Bitte is right

Good  
I would've felt stupid otherwise

Don't worry  
I can barely remember most of my English sometimes  
I'm the one who should feel stupid

No not really  
You grew up learning German so it's alright  
I can help you anyways, with our talks

Okay  
I have to go  
Ludwig is having boy troubles, h a

Oh Jesus  
Good luck

* * *

 

Matthew found himself thinking about the conversation long after it ended. Even when they spoke again he was still repeating the line "would you care I died?" to himself quite often, trying to tell if the answer he'd given was honest. He'd only known Gilbert for a few weeks, and with how much there could be to know about him? He probably only knew a 16th of his personality and that wasn't enough to tell if he was a good person. If he was being serious.  
     He eventually was able to shake the thoughts out of his head - he was still speaking to him after that message, nothing seemed wrong, and he spoke the same as he had been with Matthew. So once he was almost asleep, of course the thing popped into his mind again as everything seemed to do. Would he really care if someone died in general? He supposed he would, but eventually, it would become the past like most things did. Eventually, it wouldn't matter, would it? Whoever it was, they would be gone and forgotten and at some point, people would carry on with their lives, wouldn't they? That made Matthew a little sad, how people could move on so easily from such emotional things. He'd never been the most stable person, but he was guilty of it himself.  
     At some point he realized how silly it was to think these sorts of things over and over. Looking at his clock, he noticed it was already midnight. He sighed, attempting to relax back into his bed and into sleep but it didn't seem to work. One thing lead to another and soon Matthew had himself wondering if someone would care if he died. If he would be remembered. But around 3:00 in the morning he finally managed to calm himself down, drifting off into a light sleep he doubted would last long.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short, I apologize. I'll try to make the next one a bit longer.. and a bit of a sooner update! I also went back and fixed some errors in the first chapter that I didn't notice before. I don't proofread very well :'))


End file.
